I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
