I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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