I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
