I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
