Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
