i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
