Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize