Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
