its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
