her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
