btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
