It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
