I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Porn is love you can see.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize