I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
home. puking in laundry basket.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
