to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
