Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
