i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
