Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
