My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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