i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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