o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
