my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
