Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
