nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
