For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
