Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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