I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize