So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
