Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
