I got chris browned last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize