You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my being single is dangerous.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
