Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
