I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize