I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
