I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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