its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
