Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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