I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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