Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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