so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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