Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
