im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
