overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
