Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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