I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
