I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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