no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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