carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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