Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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