My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
