ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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