The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
