You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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