i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
