So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize