in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
