We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
