kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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