my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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