from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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