I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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