don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
