Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
