my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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