it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
