you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
