my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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