I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
