She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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