If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
