I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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