i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
