I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
