We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
as a side note pls kill me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
