So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize