when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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