I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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