Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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