Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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