i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
