youre lurking in front of me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
