I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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