I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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