I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
