im drinking this country out of the recession.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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