is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
