I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
