sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
