Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
