Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
