I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize