Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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