he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
