I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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